Things Us Brummies Are Really Bored Of Hearing…

So I know I’m a filthy deserter now that I’ve upped sticks and moved to the countryside, but I haven’t forgotten my roots, you know. I’m still a City girl at heart. And not just any City – I might have moved around a bit in my time, but there is only one that I would really call my home and that is my beloved Birmingham. I know I’ve been waxing lyrical lately about how much I love my new house, and how pretty and quiet everything is and how friendly the locals are, but that also means I’ve been talking about my hometown a lot and it’s made me love it with a renewed vigour. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all of that! Moving somewhere new means that conversations about where you’re from are inevitable, and unfortunately for us Brummies, once we own up to our heritage, so is an ample amount of ribbing. See, we get a lot of stick, us Brummies, and as a result I’ve grown to be pretty protective of where I’m from. And I suspect a lot of my fellow Birmingham dwellers are too, because we’re constantly having to hear stuff like this….:


Why is it that every time you tell a non-Brummie where you are from they feel the need to excitedly shout the word Birmingham in a long, drawn out exaggeration of what they believe is our accent? As if it is the only reasonable response to that information? It’s bizarre how often this happens, and it is almost always followed with something along the lines of…

Did you know the Birmingham accent is the most hated accent in the world??

Yes. Yes we did know that, because every person we’ve ever met has felt the need to tell us that, or a variation of that – see also ‘ugliest’, ‘most annoying’ and ‘people from Birmingham sound stupid/thick/slow’. It’s a really nice way to start a conversation, I find, insulting someone. Oh Hi, nice to meet you. Everyone hates you, did you know? Thanks.

Not yours though. You don’t have a Birmingham accent…

Um. Yes, I do. This is what Birmingham people sound like. We dow all talk loike dis ya knoooooow….

I met a guy from Birmingham once and I couldn’t understand a word he said…

…because they are still going on about the accent. It’s the only thing worth mentioning about Birmingham, apparently. Firstly though, I think he was just drunk, and secondly, I bet he was actually from the Black Country. Which is not the same thing as Birmingham, by the way. Either that, or you are actually just stupid.

He was very friendly though…

Oh, good. Because there I was, all worried that our reputation was tarnished now. Don’t worry about our hideous accent and inability to speak properly guys, it’s ok, because people think we’re friendly. Phew. Stupid but friendly. Is this not basically the geographical version of saying someone ‘has a great personality’?


Birmingham is all dirty and industrial….

Yes, it is….. Oh wait, I forgot, it isn’t actually 1972 anymore! Birmingham was indeed born out of the Industrial Revolution and went through decades where it was largely smog and concrete, but the same can be said about most modern cities and in case no-one noticed, we’ve moved on a bit since then. Evidently, the people who say this have never actually visited what I believe is a very beautiful City. Birmingham is actually blessed with an incredible amount of greenery and parkland – in fact, according to Wikipedia, it has a higher density of green spaces than any other equivalently sized City in Europe. So there.

I heard it’s really dangerous…

Brum has it’s crappy parts, it’s true, but so does every City?? Somehow, in over 30 years of living there I have managed to avoid being murdered, stabbed, shot, attacked by a street gang, human trafficked, robbed or kidnapped. Guess I’m just lucky. True, I don’t often wander around alone at night, but then I wouldn’t do that in many places. That’s not Geography, it’s just common sense.

There is nothing to do there…

Dude. You are doing it wrong…

….and I heard white people are a minority…

Oh just shut up. Seriously.

How do you even find your way around New Street Station??

I just, I don’t know, read the signs? It’s not rocket science. Everyone knows someone who changed trains once at New Street and just found it soooooooo confusing. It possibly might have been the first time they were allowed out without supervision….

Are you friends with Ozzy Osbourne/Jasper Carrott/Lenny Henry?

No. Are you friends with some random celebrity from or vaguely near the City you were born in? Thought not.

The thing about you Northerners/Southerners is…

Ugh. Possibly the most annoying about people’s perceptions of Birmingham is that after all of that, they don’t actually even know where it is. It isn’t in The North, it isn’t in The South, it’s in the bloody middle. That’s actually why they call it The Midlands?? The clue is in the name. Just because it is to the north or south of where you happen to live, or be stood at this particular moment in time, doesn’t make it geographical fact. Because, news flash, you aren’t actually the centre of the universe. Sorry to break it to you, but it’s true.

Brum 1

Any other jibes I’ve missed?



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s