It’s been a little while since I posted.
Now, that is a bit of an understatement! I’m not sure there has been a lull in my posting quite this long since the dark old days of 2016 when my personal life took that spectacular crash and burn and I could only really hold myself together enough to get through the day! Thankfully, the circumstances around my most recent disappearance is not down to such turmoil, though it is down to a rather dramatic change all the same!
In truth, before this life event occurred there had already been a slowing down of sorts. I have always loved having my own little corner of the Internet and the fact that you guys are for some reason willing to pay attention to my strange witterings, but in the last few months of last year I could already feel the dreaded writer’s block creep in, and my general motivation to stay on top of scheduling posts and preparing content fell by the wayside somewhat. I still love writing, I still love fashion and I still want to be here, very much so, but I guess what I’ve been feeling is a general shift in what I want this all to amount to. I’ve always had a deep seated desire to pull my finger out and give the blog a face-lift – I started it on a whim and have never really had the time nor the technical know-how to get the lay out and the site looking the way I’d like. Coupled with that, my life has changed dramatically since starting up Picking the Day, and while I still think posts here will always focus on my life and my style, I’ve started to feel like I’m not completely happy with my posts and the general feel and direction of the blog. When I read my early posts, as much as I wasn’t the happiest of ladies back then, I can really feel my personality come through and I’d started to feel like that had been missing a little lately. I guess what I’m saying is, I felt as though I’d lost my way, and this major news only compounded that feeling.
And now I will actually get on to that major news, because I’ve now realised I’ve done that incredibly annoying thing where someone constantly hints at something very big and exciting happening but won’t actually say what it is!! So without further ado…
At the end of December, a day or so before we rang in the new year, I found out I was pregnant!
This should not have been surprising news. We had made the decision that now was the time to give this whole parenting shebang a go a month or two before, so it should have been a fair assumption that at some point I’d be watching a faint pink line appear on a pregnancy test. But still, despite the fact we were actively trying to achieve this result, and given that my period was now most definitely more than a week late, my boobs were hurting and I’d been feeling pretty darn ropey for a few weeks, the revelation still came as somewhat of a shock to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew full well what this meant. It meant that this thing I have wanted for a very long time, that I had started to fear may actually never be, that I have written numerous emotionally charged posts about, was actually happening. For some reason though, my brain couldn’t quite handle that idea. I had gotten so adept by now at accepting that motherhood might not happen for me that I told myself I probably wouldn’t get pregnant. If I did, it would probably take an age. One period came and went and I took that as evidence I was right. But then the next one didn’t. I probably got the dates wrong, I told myself, even though my obsessive calendar checking was telling me otherwise. Maybe I’m stressed. Maybe there is something horribly wrong with me! But I cannot be pregnant, not this quickly, because this was supposed to be hard. So for about 10 days I carried on getting up and going to work, in complete denial of the quite blatantly apparent thing that was happening to me, until Dan decided he was going to need to be the grown up and we took a test!
It’s been a funny old time, the last 3 months. I am, of course, incredibly happy and excited, but at the same time it hasn’t at all been the experience I was expecting. I’m sure I’ll be writing all about it in due course, but on top of the joy and happiness there have been a million other emotions – shock, fear, guilt, regret, exhaustion, confusion to name but a few. Quite frankly I haven’t felt like myself at all, so I hope you all can understand why I haven’t quite felt up to writing for a while. But one thing is for sure, a lot of change is coming, and it’s very welcome change! Some of the harder bits are hopefully behind us now and we’re finding it far easier to settle into looking forward to our new arrival. I promise I will try my best not to flood this space with nothing but baby talk, but naturally this is going to signal a new direction for Picking the Day, and I do hope you’ll stick around to read along with us!
Here’s to the biggest ride of our lives yet!