The Non-Motherhood Challenge….


I didn’t create this blog to take the micky out of social media trends, I really didn’t, but Generation Y just make it soooooo easy. Also – I’m a right bitter old cow, so being mean about something that the whole world is doing without me just seems to come naturally. The latest craze to sweep the net and subsequently make me want to log off forever is the Motherhood Challenge, where mummies all over the place are urged to post 3-5 pics that make them ‘proud to be a Mum’, and then nominate those they think are ‘great Mothers’.

It’s not the photo sharing that bothers me. Unlike some I actually like seeing my friends post endless photos of their little cherub’s every move. And their dinner. And what the weather is doing outside their window (and probably mine) at an exact moment in time. I’ve always found it odd that people complain about ‘boring’ updates like these, but I personally like the mundane status’. I don’t want to hear about your jet set, rock and roll lifestyle to be honest – mostly because it probably isn’t true, and if it is true I think it’s high time you stopped being all flash and showing off about it, not that I’m jealous or anything. I DEFINITELY don’t want to hear that you’re dying of a hideous disease or battling serious depression or going through the death of a loved one some such other drama, because, well, that would be really sad and upsetting. Nope, I’m happy hearing about how you had toast for breakfast and have a slight cold and were late for work this morning (#IHATETRAINS) thanks, because it’s kind of reassuring and means that other than the same old gripes we all have everyday, all is well in the worlds of those I care about. So the pics can stay (for now, anyway. I mean, we all have a limit, even me!)

The part I hate is that exclusivity – kind of like those lists people write like ’10 things only curvy girls know’ or ‘259 things you’ll only understand if your name has a letter R in it….’ They try to give the impression of some cool little club that you don’t belong to, because you’re just a stupid, boring skinny girl (for example – I’ve never actually read such a list, you understand, I’m paraphrasing, and bear no ill towards girls who consider themselves curvy!) and you couldn’t possibly know what it’s like to be them. Except when you read the list, it’s all utter nonsense like ‘How it’s, like, sooooo hard finding jeans that fit!’ and you think, ‘Hmmm. I’m pretty sure all girls know that,’ That’s what these posts remind me of. They’re screaming “LOOK AT ME! I’m sooooo clever, I procreated! I carried a child inside me for 9 whole months. Did you know that only people with a uterus can do that?? That’s how special I am. I have a uterus. You have a uterus too, but you haven’t procreated, and thus you are a lower form oF human being and will never know such joy and wisdom as I, the great and all powerful Mother. So there! Bow before me, childless one, and bask in my glory!” The stupid thing is, 99.9% of all the Mums I know have taken part in this challenge, and I know for a fact they don’t actually think that, but every time I see it I can’t help but feel the (imagined) smugness radiating through. I know I probably sound like I need therapy right now, but I bet I’m not the only one who thinks it….

The other bit I hate is the nominations. The invite to pick out which of your hundreds of Facebook friends you think are good Mums – but not all of them, oh no, you must choose a select number, because it’s not like there isn’t already enough pressure on you to be the best parent possible, whilst also looking Insta-ready at all times, being able to afford photo-worthy holidays and having the time to binge watch whatever is trending on Netflix right now so you can simply keep up with conversation. Just pick 5. The 5 people who are truly worthy of such a title as ‘great Mum’. I wonder – if you’re a Mum and no-one has yet nominated you to take part in this fun little game, should you be offended? Does that mean you are, gasp, a below par mother? Well, it must do surely, because everyone knows if it didn’t happen on Facebook it didn’t really happen at all. And honestly – are you Facebook friends with anyone that you genuinely don’t believe is a good Mum? Like, someone that makes you think, ‘Oh, I can’t tag her, she’s a terrible parent. Just awful! Awful!’ If you are, I seriously think you need to reconsider your friendship circle! Asking me to decide which of my Mummy friends is a ‘good’ Mummy is like saying ‘Like if you love your Dog!’ or ‘Share if you think murder is bad!’ Talk about stating the freakin’ obvious! And who even notices anyway? OMG YOU DIDN’T IMMEDIATELY LIKE! THAT MEANS YOU ACTUALLY HATE YOUR DOG! TAKE IT AWAY FROM HER, QUICK!

I guess I’d better leave it there really, before I sound any more unhinged than I already do, but know this, my Mummy friends, I think all of you are amazing, regardless of what pics you post and what you think your parenting achievements are, and don’t ever let Facebook tell you other wise!





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