5 Beauty Mysteries I’ll Never Solve

They’re strange aren’t they, the little rituals we go through in the name of beauty. Many a time have a caught a partner watching me from the other side of the bedroom, a puzzled look on their face, as I go about my business preening myself.The whole concept of make-up itself is a little odd I suppose. Part of me wants to hate the idea of conforming to someone else’s concept of what attractive is, but to me it’s about more than enhancing your features or trying to be ‘pretty’. It’s a form of expression, and it’s fun! That said, I completely understand why some find the whole thing bizarre. Nothing is stranger though than these little phenomenons – 5 little things that I first noticed in my tender teenage years, that still baffle me to this day. I’m willing to bet most girls out there – and I’m sure a few metrosexual guys – will identify with more than one of them too….

You will never, ever, get your hair to look the way it did when you walked out of the Hairdresser’s…

It’s a fact. Your hair will look unbelieveable for around one day, until it gets rained on, or slept on, or you are stupid enough to wash it. I have spent many a trip to the salon scrutinising the stylist in the mirror, trying to work out just how she gets that amazing shiny finish, or a fringe that stays where it is meant to and doesn’t slowly part across the course of the day. I have never been successful. I think I have figured it out though. That stuff they put on your hair, the silky, expensive smelling stuff? It’s actual magic. Sometimes you will splash out and buy a bottle of said ‘magic’ thinking it will help you achieve the same results at home. It won’t. It only works within the confines of the salon. After you step outside, the sparkle fizzles out. It’s a conspiracy that is bound to come out at some point, mark my words….

After that, your hair will always look it’s best when you have no plans…

Ever noticed how your hair looks AH-MA-ZING when you’re just pulling on a hat and heading out on a dog walk? And how annoying is it when you get out of the shower and catch sight of the perfect messy bun you’ve managed to create on top of your head, knowing full well that next time you want to wear one in public your hair will simply refuse to co-operate? It can be a right bitch like that, my hair. Only when it isn’t expecting to be seen will it perform in all it’s shiny, non-frizzy, perfectly waved glory. When I want to look special for an event though? Flat, lacklustre and dull. The curls I spent ages sculpting will drop out before I’ve made it out of the door and that volume I painstakingly back-combed into my crown will get no higher than Audrey’s soufflé in Sabrina. And don’t even get me started on victory rolls. Many a made up face has been ruined by frustration tears when the perfect victory roll decides to flop the moment I rise from the dressing table chair. I don’t really post too many selfies on Facebook, but often have I been tempted, just to prove that once in awhile my hair actually behaves.

No matter how hard you scrub off your lippie, you will still wake up with luminous lips the morning after the night before…

Now, I’ve been caught out the hard way with this. DON’T fall asleep wearing MAC lippie, people, unless you’re prepared to wear a muted version of that shade for the next week anyhow. So, I pay extra attention to removing it these days. Still though, I wake up the next morning with bright pink lips. How?? I scrutinised those lips in the mirror before going to bed, and I swear there was not a scrap of colour left! I still have the face wipe to prove it!

And no matter how dry you think your nails are, you will still wake up with wrinkles in them…

I really struggle with nail painting. Apart from the fact that I’m impatient, and can’t be doing with waiting for the layers to dry properly, I find it hard to just sit and do nothing, so I always end up smudging them doing some kind of activity that just isn’t appropriate when sporting slightly tacky nails. So I thought I was being extremely clever when I took to painting them before I went to sleep. It should be the perfect time really, as it’s the one time of day I’ll happily just sit and watch Netflix instead of trying to do laundry or rearrange the shoe collection or something. And it worked! Or at least the first part did anyway. I went to sleep in complete assurance that my nails were bone dry and perfect, only to wake up with an imprint of my hair on the thumb. I’ve tried everything – running them under the cold tap, hairspray, fancy top coats, expensive ‘drying’ solutions… Every time, hard as nails (geddit??) before bed, yet in the morning, boom, hair imprint. Maybe I should just suck it up and buy a UV lamp…

There is a black hole somewhere where all the hair grips go to die…

It’s probably the same black hole that the other sock and all those spare buttons you ‘put away in a safe place’ end up. Either way, I feel like I replenish my hair grip stock on pretty much every trip to Boots. How come? There are literally hundreds in every pack, so what the hell happens to them all? I even have a special little pot with no other purpose than to house them, but they still all disappear. Well, not all of them actually, those ones that are bent beyond recognition will stick around for sure, but those nice, new, stiff ones that actually hold your hair in place? Vanished. Banished to the black hole for all eternity. Strangely though, pretty much any time you’re in someone else’s bedroom, in the ladies in the pub or even walking down the street you will see at least one abandoned hair grip on the floor. True story.

Anyone else have any beauty mysteries that keep them scratching their heads?

Love,