Do you ever have those days where you look in the mirror and think, “HOW AND WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??” When you could swear blind you were 8, like, yesterday? When you don’t understand how you could be old enough to be looking at Help To Buy ISA’s or more profitable pension plans? Or even know what a Help To Buy ISA or pension plan is? When your Niece describes something that happened at school and you realise you remember going through the exact same thing as clearly as you remember brushing your teeth this morning? When you suddenly realise you have Nieces old enough to be at school??
I’m that person that, when someone tells their child, ‘Say thank you to the nice lady!’ I look around to see who this nice lady is they’re talking about, because a lady is a grown up person, surely? I basically spend most of my life concerned that someone is going to catch me out and realise I don’t actually have a clue what I’m doing a lot of the time. I seem to be making a good enough attempt at being an adult. I mean, I’ve never broken any bones (except toes, but toes don’t count do they?) I’m managing to hold down a job where I’m in charge of people, I’ve never been arrested and I appear to have some money in the bank despite my shopping habits. I’ve never really felt like a grown up though. It’s never sat comfortably really, having to make serious decisions or be responsible for the welfare of others. I mean, I’ll do it, because you have to, but I’m always terrified I’m going to get it wrong and hurt someone or break something because OH MY GOD, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?? I’M NOT A GROWN UP!!
Perhaps, then, that’s why I tend to take it hard when life gets all serious and hard like life tends to do. Some days I find it hard enough to decide what to eat for dinner, never mind decide where I want to be living in the next year or what my next career move is. It makes me want to run and hide behind Mummy and Daddy’s legs basically and cry, ‘Pleeeeeeeease can’t you just do it for me?!’ I don’t though, of course. I do the ‘grown up’ thing and get on with it, but believe me, behind that ‘I’m ok, honest!’ expression I am a quivering, terrified child.
I can’t escape all this of course, because I haven’t managed to win the lottery or find myself a millionaire husband, but I do find it helps to be able to regress a little it sometimes. To just be a bit silly and not worry about being a grown up, even if it’s only for a little while. Laughter is the best medicine as they say! Hence why, when up I was up North for my friends Wedding the other week and staying in her daughter’s room for the night this happened:
See, Eugenie is a very caring child, and when she was packing up her toys to take with her and making sure it was tidy for my stay, she decided not to tidy up the doll house, because she thought I might want to have a play with it. She was right, obvs! Who turns down the chance to play with a dolls house?! Well possibly most people my age, to be fair, but my sister and I saved our pennies for years in a fruitless attempt at owning Sindy’s Dream House so any chance I get to re-live that fantasy…! Anyhow, the Bride and Bridesmaids were so well behaved the night before the Wedding, getting to bed nice and early to get our beauty sleep. Barbie, on the other hand, wanted to party! Even Ariel and Peppa wanted in on the action! Well, it’s not a Wedding without someone letting the side down is it….?
Now, I imagine you’re picturing me sat around with the Bridal party, a little tiddly on Prosecco, laughing hysterically as we create this little montage. Well, no. I was on my own, giggling quietly to myself so as not to wake anyone up. I know, loser. I really had fun though, and I most definitely didn’t feel like a grown up so I guess it did the trick!
DISCLAIMER: I think it is important to let you know that Barbie and her friends were already naked when this party got started. I didn’t actually intend on it looking like a keg party gone wild. I did, in fact, look for clothes to dress them in so they’d look more like they were having a girly sleepover or something (I really did! Because playing with a dolls house AND styling Barbie’s outfits?? No brainer!) but I genuinely couldn’t find any. Still. Looks like they had fun!