Weird People Who Catch My Bus #4 – I Don’t Need A Sign To Tell Me You’re An Idiot

It’s been a while since I had a bus rant! At first I thought maybe my new bus route since moving had less weird people on it. But no. They’re still there. I think perhaps I’ve just become seriously adept at tuning them out. Either way, since I’ve started to feel a little better my powers of observing the stupidity of others seem to have returned. With a vengeance.  Hoorah! So now you can look forward to many more posts about how much I hate THE PUBLIC. Enjoy!

So, I’m sat on the bus on the way home, minding my own business. The commute home always seems to be the worst, by the way. I have a theory that weirdos sleep in late or something. Anyway, there is a young Mum in front of me feeding her toddler. Nothing strange there – and just to be clear, this isn’t going to be a post about how annoying kids on public transport are, I’ve read enough whines on Facebook from both sides about the recent ‘special area for families on planes’ story to know there is no need for me to add to that debate! I’m actually highly tolerant of children, despite my prickly exterior. Honest! I mean, I can’t lie, when you’ve had an awful day and you have a real headache brewing and someone’s child has just decided to lose it’s s*** because it isn’t allowed to stand on the seat or press the bell a hundred times, that noise grates on me and I can’t help but grimace. It’s only natural. But I am a reasonable person, I know it can’t be helped, and guess what? Kids make noise, and they don’t have a volume switch, and parents really can’t be expected to become hermits so that we don’t have to listen to it. People really do need to try and get over that. No, I’m definitely not a person who takes exception to some poor first time parent who is desperately trying not to have a mental breakdown on the bus in front of 40 odd people who are staring daggers at them.

I did take exception to this Mum though, because the meal she was giving said toddler was a baked potato.

Ok, so I’m not a Mum. I’m certainly no expert at raising children. However, I have fed enough of my friend’s and family’s kids to know that 2 year olds are not tidy eaters. Plenty a time have I fallen victim to that flailing arms + spoonful of yogurt = right bloody mess all over my favourite new frock situation. So I was a little bemused by her choices. And yes, I’m sure there will be plenty of people out there who are going to tell me what a judgemental cow I am and she was probably under pressure and he was a fussy eater and that was the only chance she’d had all day to feed him, and you may well be right. But still. A baked potato, covered in cheese and baked beans. It seemed inevitable that this was not going to end well.

So the rather ‘spirited’ toddler was behaving in pretty much the way I’d have expected one to behave – point blank refusing to eat it and doing his darndest to project it back in his mother’s direction. Little darlings, aint they? Anyway, the inevitable happened, and eventually he managed a direct hit, and the poor elderly couple in the next row found themselves showered with the little angel’s dinner. As you would expect from a person who has just found themselves doused in buttery potato and bean juice, the elderly couple tutted and glared disapprovingly (which I actually think was a rather restrained reaction!). The mother, and I hope this is where you will stop feeling sorry for her if you were previously, took that as her cue to launch into an expletive ridden demand to know what their effing problem was. When the gentleman tried to point out that it seemed a bit daft to try and feed a baby a baked potato while riding the bus (fair point in my opinion) she screamed, “WHERE IS THE BLEEPING SIGN THAT SAYS I CAN’T FEED MY BABY ON THE BUS??” Well, she didn’t actually use the word bleeping but I think you can work out what word she did use.

So basically, she needs a sign to tell her not to do something ridiculous. As if she can’t be trusted with her own actions and must be directed at all times lest she do something stupid or illegal. This, a person who has procreated. It’s not all that uncommon either, sadly. My years working in a pub have taught me this, after countless arguments from customers about the fact there is no sign that says they can’t smoke after the smoking ban, piss up the wall in the beer garden when there is a queue for the loos or rip the fixtures from the walls for fun. They think they shouldn’t have to make decisions about whether or not that is acceptable behaviour, they think if there is no sign telling them not to do it it’s ok. Well, there aren’t signs up telling people not to rape, steal or murder either, but most of us manage to remember not to do that, don’t we?

Of course, they don’t really need telling not to do it. They know not to do it, they just think you shouldn’t have the right to point out they are being a complete numpty. Because they’re dicks.

Hey, did I mention that I hate THE PUBLIC???

Love,