**WARNING: COMPLETELY IRRATIONAl, OTT AND ONLY SLIGHTLY EMBELLISHED POST ABOUT A NON-EXISTENT NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE TO FOLLOW……**
I curse my dog a lot.
She has a very special way of being utterly adorable and yet the most evil, irritating, manipulative little biatch on the planet, all at the same time. I swear, when she was 6 months old I actually hated her. Not like, ‘Oh God, she’s being really annoying again,’ like in a, ‘OMG I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T COME HOME THIS SECOND I’M GOING TO KILL THE DOG, I’M GOING TO STRANGLE HER AND BURY HER IN THE GARDEN AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!!!’ kind of way. Yeah, I hated her that much. In fairness to the pup, she has mellowed a lot since her puppy days, but she still has her moments. Like this morning, when I took her out for her morning pee after getting dressed for work, and she kicked half the soggy, wet lawn directly at me after finishing her business. I’m certain she did that on purpose. And how she will largely ignore me for most of the evening, snuggling up to my Mum and snoring away, and then when I try to take her up to bed she decides it’s a great time to tear around every room in the house at great speed. As much as she gets on my nerves though, I’m completely besotted with that furry devil, and I just don’t know what I’d do without her.
I nearly had to find out on Saturday. Here’s where it get’s over-dramatic, in case you hadn’t guessed…..
So, me and the Bons happily stepped out for our weekend walkies late in the afternoon. Ok, so there is the first fib. I wasn’t happy, because it was raining, and Bonnie wasn’t happy because she hates walkies until she remembers that walkies are FUN, at which point she cheers up, but for some reason, everytime I get the lead out she tries to hide behind the sofa like I’m taking her on a death march. Anyway, we headed off down the canal, and largely the stroll went as it always does. Bons got suddenly excited as soon as we were off the street because OMG I FORGOT! WALKIES ARE ACTUALLY AWESOME!! She harassed the ducks and stopped to sniff pretty much every blade of grass we passed. She tried for about 20 minutes to get a Cockerpoo to chase her even though he blatantly wasn’t interested. She cowered at every passing cyclist or jogger, only to then run after them as if she was the hardest pooch on the block. And she got to do her favourite activity – convincing some poor witless stranger to give up all of their treats in the hopes she might let them have a quick cuddle (spoiler – she wouldn’t). Embarrassing indifference to strangers attempts at friendship and general thuggish behaviour aside, we were having a pretty lovely time. But then – DUN DUN DUH! – disaster struck.
While she was doing her usual duck pestering she got a little close to the edge, and thanks to all the rain we’ve been having this week (thanks for that, nature) she slipped, and splashed straight into the canal!
Oh. My. God. I lost my shit. Yes, I realise she is a dog, and that dogs can actually swim, but it was just such a shock and she let out such a yelp of surprise that I couldn’t help getting all panicked! See, only at Christmas I joked with my family that she’d never swam before, and maybe we should just throw her in a lake one day to see if she could do it or not. Yeah, I was feeling pretty darn evil for thinking that at this moment in time. Like, I literally made it happen. My dog was going to drown, and it would be my fault, and for a change I wasn’t secretly willing it to happen. So, Bons is not a fan of getting wet. This was the very first time she’d ever been in water deeper than her knees (do dogs have knees??) for longer than a couple of seconds. Once she’d gone for a little paddle in a weir and stepped over the side not realising it was deeper, and my did she get out of the water fast! So this was all completely new to her and she didn’t have a clue what to do. She was still attached to the lead, but she was thrashing about so much I was terrified she’d slip out of her harness if I tried to pull her out, and I was struggling to stay calm at this point. The bank was far too high to reach her and all I could see was her little nose bobbing out of the water and a desperate look in her eyes and I genuinely thought there was a chance I was going to lose her for a few moments.
Thankfully, my brave pup found her stride, and she calmed down enough to follow my voice and paddle towards a lower bank where a kind passer by helped me haul her out. The poor little thing must have been frozen and in complete shock, but after rushing her home for a warm bath and lots of cuddles she was soon fine again.
Bonnie is of course, fully recovered now and milking it like a boss. Every time she throws me the puppy eyes I just want to grab hold of her and never let her go. And she bloody knows it, little bitch. Got me wrapped right around her little finger, that one. She is, in fact, asleep on my new bedding, which I swore blind she wouldn’t be allowed on, as we speak.
Still, the main thing is, I still have her, which I am truly grateful for, because life just wouldn’t be the same for me or my family if she wasn’t around anymore.
But at least we know she can swim now though, not that she’ll be going need the canal side anytime soon I’m sure!