I remember once reading a stat in a magazine about the percentage of women who claimed never to take beauty shortcuts, like only shaving your legs up to the knee. The number was actually crazy high, like 70%! I read this with complete shock, because I’m guilty of taking shortcuts all the time. I couldn’t help thinking this just couldn’t possibly be true! Surely I’m not the only girl who just can’t be bothered to put 100% into their beauty routine all the time?? Or am I? Am I just a total slob that needs to have a word with herself?? I’m hoping not, so I thought I’d share my worst beauty secrets in the hopes you’ll assure me I’m normal….
I paint over the chips in my nail varnish….
Are you seriously telling me everyone takes it all off and starts from scratch every time they chip a nail?? Because I just don’t have time for that shiz. I blatantly just fill in the cracks. Sorry not sorry.
I am so over reliant on dry shampoo….
I actually don’t really remember a time when dry shampoo wasn’t a thing. I must have shaved weeks off my getting ready time since it was invented – thankyou, Batiste, for giving me my life back! Only thing is, sometimes I use it so much that by the time I was my hair, the water is a little brown, and that does make me feel a little ick….
I sleep in my make-up….
Not all the time. I genuinely do try my best to remember to go to bed with a clean, fresh face like my Mum taught me when I was younger, but honestly? After a few glasses of wine and a good night with the girls, I just forget, and I wake up every morning afterwards worrying that I’ll have aged by 10 years overnight. I’m sorry Mum! I’m trying!
I never throw out makeup….
Ok, that isn’t entirely true. I do have a clear out every now and then. Makeup supposedly has a shelf life though, and using it after it’s use by date will make your eyes fall out or something. Well, fingers crossed I get to keep my eyes, because I pay very little attention to that. I’M SUCH A REBEL! Or a lazy cow, one or the other. Normally my only cue to chuck something out is when I open it and think, ‘Eww, that looks a bit icky!’ or ‘Holy crap, what is that smell???’ I’m exaggerating a little there, most of the important stuff, like mascara or foundation, I get through in a few weeks or so, so it never really gets to that stage. The stuff I don’t wear often though, like lipstick, is another story. See, because I don’t wear it that much I see it as an opportunity to to treat myself a little, and when I’ve spent nearly £30 on a Chanel lippie there isn’t a hope in hell I’ll be throwing it away until it’s worn down to it’s nub and beyond! This is also why I’m still lovingly carrying around the Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick that cracked and broke a year ago. Hey, it still makes me glow sufficiently, so even if taking it on holiday means painstakingly wrapping it in ziplock bags to avoid making everything else in my bag bronzed and sparkly, I’m keeping that bad boy till it’s done!
I hoard samples….
Another reason I don’t get to the use by date on a lot of my make up is because it often comes in teeny tiny sample sized bottles! Yep, I have my drugstore staples that I use every day, but then I also have a little collection of posh freebies that I save for special occasions! My nail polish collection? Pretty much entirely made up of those Nails Inc and Ciate bottles you get free with Marie Claire! And I can make a trial size Benefit Dandelion Blusher last for an impressive stretch! Remember that scene in Friends With Money where Jennifer Aniston’s character reveals a huge stash of tiny face cream samples in her bathroom cabinet? That’s totally me…. except luckily I don’t have to trek around town conning beauty counters into handing them over, thanks to my lovely Mum. She is an expert at making the most of beauty offers like Clinique Bonus Time and she gathers them up across the year to put in our Christmas stockings (yes, I’m 34 and I still get a stocking – what of it??) which normally last me the rest of the year. In fact, I have been using Clinique’s Dramatically Different moisturiser for years now and have managed to never actually buy a full size bottle – though stocks are finally running a little low, so Mum, if you’re reading…..!
I don’t know what any of the brushes in my collection do….
I got given a lovely set of Real Techniques brushes a few years back, and I love them – I don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to do with them, but I love them all the same. I stick ’em in stuff and slap it on my face and it seems to work, but I’m pretty sure I’m probably doing it all wrong. I mean, how many brushes does one really need? Can there really be that many different techniques? Similarly, I have no idea what any of the ‘on trend’ terms mean. What the heck is strobing when it’s at home?? Ombre, Balayage and Colour Melting – all the same thing, surely?? I know you’re probably itching to explain the intricate differences to me, but it won’t help. I’m a complete beauty dunce, I still rely on the skills I taught myself at 14, but it seems to be working ok, so I’m sticking with it!
I still wear Impulse body spray….
Remember when you were at school and the changing rooms were basically a constant cloud of sickly sweet Impulse scents (all the cool kids wore O2 though, amirite??) I still smell like that. I have perfume, of course, in fact I LOVE perfume. But it’s so darn expensive these days, that it seems a waste to spritz myself with it liberally daily. So a couple of years ago I reverted back to my teenage favourite, the old faithful Impulse Body Spray, as a staple to freshen up with throughout the day. They don’t make O2 anymore though – you need to sort this out, Impulse!!
So there you have it. My deepest, darkest secrets. I hope you still want to be my friend. Anyone else fancy being brave and owning up to theirs?