I can hardly believe I’m writing this, but I am now into my final trimester! Baby will be with us at some point in the next three months and I can’t lie – I’m starting to feel a little freaked by the whole thing! Everything seemed to go so slowly throughout the first trimester – especially considering we didn’t even actually know I was pregnant for half of it – and yet the last 3 months seem to have hurtled by! When I first discovered I was expecting, the arrival of an actual baby seemed so far away. More so, it felt kind of unfathomable that it was actually ever going to happen! So the stark realisation that it really is going to happen, and happen SOON, has been a weird one to get my head around for sure! Suddenly, we’ve got to the point where projects are coming up at work that I’m likely not going to see through before my maternity starts. We’ve had to start counting the weeks we have left, working out budgets, planning what priorities need to be done before the birth and what may have to wait until afterwards – in other words, s*** is getting real folks! And it is terrifying. But kinda awesome at the same time!
As you’ll know if you read this post, I didn’t particularly enjoy the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Those early days were so bewildering, full of angst and uncertainty and of course generally feeling a bit pants – just not the joyful, exciting experience I’d built it up to be. The second trimester, in comparison, could not have been more different. Some of that anxiety is still there, of course. I am a chronic over thinker, so of course I still have the odd night where I’m kept awake worrying about whether or not the baby will be healthy, if it will love me, if I’m good enough to be a mum… But now there have been so many exciting, happy moments to offset all of that. Seeing our friends and loved ones excited to welcome this new addition to our family. Thinking up names. Getting to actually enjoy a scan without all that, ‘what if I’m not even pregnant and imagined the whole thing??’ worry. Hearing it’s little heartbeat and feeling it kick and wriggle – all these things, when times are feeling a bit tough, make me stop and realise what an amazing adventure is awaiting me.
Lets talk about those little kicks and wriggles, shall we? It seems odd to think that a little over 2 months ago I hadn’t felt my little one move yet. The only proof I had of it’s existence were the photos from our first scan, and this made it very hard to make my brain believe this was all real. I wanted so badly to feel something tangible, something that would reassure me all was well and remind me I really did have a tiny human growing inside me, but our little Podge made me wait! Then, at 18 weeks it finally happened, though I didn’t quite realise it at first. It was the night before Mother’s Day, funnily enough, and we were away for the weekend in Bristol at a Magic Show that Dan had booked for my Birthday present, and there it was. An odd little sensation. I must have read a million different descriptions about how it feels, and I’m not sure any of them quite did it justice. I had read about bubbles popping, butterflies fluttering, little jabs and pokes, but for me it was quite different. It was almost like a buzzing feeling. A tiny and short lived pulse deep in my belly that I’d never felt before. It was so brief that I wasn’t convinced it was the baby at all and spent the whole of the next day willing my baby to move for me as a gift for my first Mother’s Day. A few days later though, there it was again. Stronger this time. And then again, and again, until this funny little vibration in my tummy had become a daily routine I looked forward to.
Of course as time has progressed that little rippling feeling has evolved into very definite sensations. Very obvious (and sometimes visible!) kicks. Funny little jerks and spasms when baby gets hiccups. And the strangest shifting feeling when it stretches out or moves around. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like a ‘thing’ in there at all, more like my womb is simply stretching and expanding of it’s own accord, and then other times it is all too real and I can literally feel the outline of a little butt or shoulder pressing against my hand, which spends most of it’s free time now resting on my wriggly little bump! Nothing can quite prepare you for the site of your belly bulging and moving in front of your very eyes, let me tell you! All in all though, whichever of these new feelings I feel, they are the most magical and joyful thing I have ever experienced – even the ones that hurt a little (normally when bubba is pounding my full bladder for some unknown reason…!)
It isn’t all plain sailing, though I have to admit, compared to some of my friends I’m well aware that I’ve been blessed so far with this pregnancy health wise. Baby is bang on average in terms of growth and size, as am I, and all my tests and checks have come back fine and show things progressing exactly as they should. I’d be lying f I said it was all easy though. As well as the bladder thing – man, baby loves to hang out down there for long stretches at a time sometimes – I’ve had general gross and not really ‘for the blog’ digestive issues, some quite nasty round ligament pains and some very irritating bouts of pregnancy insomnia. Sleep in general has started to get tricky now with my internal temperature having a tendency to sky rocket at regular intervals, and my hips, shoulders and ears getting achy from trying to stay on my side (why is it so difficult not to roll onto your back, seriously? I swear it was never an issue before I got pregnant!) I’m becoming all to aware of what I can and can’t do now – putting on socks and tying laces is definitely becoming a struggle now and I definitely can’t exert myself much more than a brisk walk now without getting out of puff!And I’m sure there will be much more discomfort to come now the final stretch is here and me and baby are busily doubling in size, but so far I’ve been very fortunate with how smoothly it’s gone.
The biggest realisation I’ve come to though is this – I FREAKIN’ LOVE BEING PREGNANT!! After a disappointing start to the journey in the first trimester I’ve really found my stride with it these last few weeks. I love that little one is always with me, I love how my body looks right now and I love how close it has brought me and Dan together. I’m actually already starting to feel a tiny bit fearful of how I’ll feel about NOT being pregnant anymore, despite being desperate to meet our child. Right now all feels right with the world, and it’s such a wonderful feeling.
Here’s to the final stretch!