The World’s Worst Bride

mags2I’ve worked really hard at wedding planning this week. I truly have. I’d have gotten a lot further with it too, it’s just that I find it much easier to waste several hours pinning Hell Bunny dresses to my Pinterest Wish List, or, you know, looking up every outfit Zooey Deschanel has ever worn. Basically, both of these things, in fact pretty much all other things in the world, ever, are more enjoyable to me than planning the happiest day of my life. So you see my problem?

Anyone know where I'm meant to start with all this??
Anyone know where I’m meant to start with all this??

I know wedding planning is meant to be hard. You can’t get to the ripe old age (I jest of course, age-discrimination crew – please don’t start sending me hate mail!) of 32 without having seen a few of your friends go through the process. I’ve sat through plenty of wine fuelled rants about the pain of producing a seating plan that won’t result in World War III. I’ve been privy to more than one awkward discussion about who is – or more importantly, isn’t – to be included on the guest list. And, of course, I’ve witnessed that panicked look in the happy couple’s eyes when they begin to tell you “OH MY GOD, it’s just so expensive. SO EXPENSIVE! I mean, we knew it would be expensive. But it’s just, so….. EXPENSIVE!”.  So I was more than prepared to encounter my fair share of stress along the way.

What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was my complete lack of motivation to get this thing off the ground. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get married. I am blissfully in love with my intended and want nothing more than to become his wife. And I do want a ‘wedding’ – I’m sure I’d regret it if I chose to elope and marry him without my loved ones present – I just wish someone else would do it all for me!

Looking at pretty stuff. This part I can do.

This all seems wrong to me. Me – a girl who gets misty eyed at ANY wedding on TV (yes, even those in adverts. Seriously, don’t get me started on the time Adam & Jane from the BT ads finally tied the knot), and as someone OBSESSED with ‘pretty things with no real purpose other than to be pretty’, I really should be in my element picking out colour schemes, flowers, wedding favours and chair covers. But it’s just not coming, and I think it mainly comes down to the following factors:

  1. I’m a procrastinator. Of the very worst kind. I can’t complete anything without a deadline looming dangerously in the immediate future and I’ve always been that way. Even worse, so is Ollie, so perfect for each other we may be, but we make the very worst wedding planners. Both of us would be happy to sit around for eternity waiting for a fully formed wedding to magically reveal itself, free of charge and wrapped up with a pretty pink bow, if we were left to our own devices. We were engaged for almost a year and a half before settling on an engagement ring – the signs were there people!
  2. I’m not really your A-Typical bride. Hell, I’m excited about the dress, the shoes and the ‘pretty things’, but not long after I became betrothed it suddenly dawned on me that I’m meant to be the star of the show. Now, when I was 7 and thought I sounded amazing belting out ‘Part of Your World’ from The Little Mermaid that would have been music to my (tone deaf) ears, but it’s been a long time since I felt comfortable taking centre stage. I mean, people are going to be looking at me. LOTS of people. Like, all day. Suddenly I’m asking myself weird questions like; “Do I have to walk down an aisle?”, “What am I meant to do with my arms – does my face always look like this?” and “How do I do a first dance without anyone watching?” Not wanting to be the focus of attention on a day when I am basically the focus of everyone’s attention poses somewhat of a problem.
  3. It’s really expensive. Has anyone ever told you how damn EXPENSIVE weddings are??

All of the above mean that so far, after a year and a half, my ‘endless’ planning has produced little more than another Pinterest Board, also covered in ‘pretty things’. Doesn’t really fill you with confidence, does it?! Don’t buy a hat just yet folks!

Adding to a Pinterest board TOTALLY counts as planning, right?



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