So last week I told you all some exciting news – that I’ve agreed to take the plunge and move in with my beloved in his new house later on this year when I’ve passed my driving test and got a car. While this is, indeed, very exciting, it’s also filling me with all kinds of anxiety. For sooooo many reasons! Like, the fact that this now means there is an actual, physical reason why I need to pass my test, so of course I have totally convinced myself that this is a beyond impossible task, even though pretty much everyone else in the world of legal age can do it. And I’ll have to own a car! What on earth am I going to do with a car?! Are people like me even allowed to own cars?! It feels like something that shouldn’t be allowed. And the fact I will be finally ditching the city for country living – something I never imagined myself wanting to do. And the fact I’ll be living somewhere completely new, an hour away from my friends and family, where I’ll have to make new friends and find new favourite places to go. And of course the overwhelming and constant sense of OMG SOMETHING GOOD IS HAPPENING TO ME – SURELY SOMETHING IS GOING TO GO WRONG, RIGHT?!
Change is scary, even change you really want! I, more than anyone I know, have an awful tendency to want to quit while I’m ahead at things, because it seems far safer sometimes to not have things at all than to risk being disappointed (therapy, much??) I am NOT going to quit this though, because I DO want this more than anything, and I know the anxiety is just a fear of losing something that might make me really happy, so instead of focussing on the bits that are scaring me, I’ve decided to dwell on the bits that I’m really, really looking forward to…..
Seeing him everyday…
The first and most obvious thing to be excited about when moving in with someone for the first time is the idea that you get to see each other every day. We kind of do, in a way, because we work together, so in theory I get to see him most days at work already. In the sense that I can just about see the back of his head from where I sit, anyway. That isn’t really the same thing though, is it? I can be a fiercely independent person at times, and yet one of the things I miss most about living with a significant other is feeling safe in the knowledge that they are always there. Yes, you get to see them at their worst. Yes, you learn all of their most irritating habits. Yes, you will annoy the hell out of each other, probably quite a lot of the time. But knowing that there is someone waiting at home for you when you’ve been away, or that there will be someone there when you wake up that might even make you a cup of coffee? It’s such a warm, comforting feeling, and I’m really looking forward to feeling that again.
Having space to myself…
As nice as it is having that safe, constant person to rely on and share the workload with, I’m also aware that he won’t be there all the time, and that there will be evenings and sometimes even days at a time where it’s just me. And that thought is simply delicious. I love my family – they are not demanding of me in the slightest and I’ve had a very easy deal living back home again, but with my parents both retired and my sister here too, it is very rare that there is no-one in. Having the place to myself, to bask in some peace and quiet and watch whatever trash TV I want without having to narrate or be judged, is bliss and I can’t wait to have some me time again!
Having all my things back…
It’s been such a long time since I first packed up my belongings and shoehorned them into a storage unit that I can’t quite remember what I even own any more, but I’m certainly chomping at the bit to start digging through it all, having a clearout and reclaiming long lost beloved items. It’s not even the obvious things I missed the most. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I reeeeeeally missed my shoes (oh, you thought the billionty shoes I currently post about was the extent of my collection? Oh no. There are more, my friends. Many, many more….) but it’s the little, silly things I’m most excited about seeing again. The cute little candle votives I brought back from my time in France. The picture of me cuddling Bonnie on her first day living with us. My books. My recipe file. That one, tall glass that I ‘borrowed’ from a pub that I like to drink my gin from. These are the things that make a house a home, and I’m so excited to live in a home that is mine again.
An excuse to go shopping….
Yeah. Surprise. I’m excited to go shopping. But for a change I have something to shop for other than clothes and shoes – which I have most definitely got more frivolous with since moving back in with my parents in the absence of anything else to spend my money on. We went sofa shopping at the weekend, and I LOVED it. I had a stroll around the bedding section in Primark last week, just ’cause. I have bedding, but I might want different bedding in the new house. I’m going to buy cushions. So many cushions. And my pinning of home decor inspo on Pinterest has skyrocketed. I can’t wait to start looking at colour charts and arguing about chairs to get in the dining room and all those other things that I will probably moan no end about in about 6 months time….
Of course all of this is going to come with it’s challenges – it’s been a long time since I’ve had to worry about accommodating someone else’s tastes and opinions and habits, and as much as I go on like I do, I don’t actually have a bottomless bank account to pay for it all, but right now none of that matters. I’m just happy picturing it all and imagining what my life might look like soon.
Looking pretty great from where I’m standing right now!